It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
