ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i barfeds in our rink
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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