i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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