dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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