I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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