Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
