Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
someone owes me an orgasm
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
