No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
