I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
