oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
