if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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