I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
