There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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