i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
