im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
