i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
