he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
