Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
