I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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