You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
