when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
