I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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