Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
