Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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