just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
