We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
