at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
