After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
