Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
