he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
