so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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