I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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