once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
