There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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