good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
