i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
