Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
