I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She bit a glass in half.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
