Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
