I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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