You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
