I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
They took my balls.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
