Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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