you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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