I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
