She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize