I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
