No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
