Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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