Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
