If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I pour the whiskey from now on
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
